Only Immortal
by Mormegil
Summary: Just something I wrote in my spare time. Enjoy!


Only Immortal  
Once upon a time, in a faraway land.there was a hobbit. This hobbit's name was Dune. Dune was an unusual hobbit in many ways. For one thing, he had a lightning bolt scar on his forearm. For two- he was also a vampire.  
One day, this little hobbit was walking in the Shire, smoking his pipe when all of a sudden he heard elvish singing. "Elvish singing." He muttered to himself as he tramped off into the woods. He soon stumbled upon elves. "I like elves." Dune said to himself, "they remind me of BLOOD." A savage look came over his face, and then slowly settled down. He let out a breath. "Excuse me." He said. "I was wondering where it is that you are traveling."  
A tall blonde elf came forward. "We are traveling northward, Mr. Hobbit." He said in the common tongue. "Northward.to the mountains." He pointed north. "Ah." said Dune.  
All of a sudden, a piercing scream shattered the night. Being the noble creature that he was, Dune ran toward the scream. The screaming did not cease. "I'm coming." Dune said. After what seemed like hours, he finally reached a clearing. There was a girl up a tree, screeching at the top of her lungs, with a wolf growling and snapping, its eyes glowing up at the tree where the girl was.  
"Go save her!" said one side of Dune to the other. "No! That's a WEREWOLF! If you get bitten, you will be a hobbit-vampire-werewolf. " "How wonderful that would be!" cried the other side. "Point taken." said the first side, and Dune climbed up the tree with her and started screaming, and waving his hands with her.  
"Are you here to save me? AHHHHHGGGGGHHH!" she screamed.  
"AHHHGGGGGHHHH! I was!" he said.  
"AHHHHGGGGHHHH! Why are we screaming?" asked the girl. He shrugged. "I guess we can stop." he said. Down below, the wolf growled and snapped. She yawned, "You know, all the screaming hurt my throat. Do you have a cough drop?" Dune shielded his eyes. "DO NOT reveal your neck to me. It is too tempting." She blinked. "So you don't have a cough drop?"  
"No, you stupid mortal!" he spat.  
She looked highly offended. "I am no mere mortal!" she said while straightening up. "I happen to be a witch." she pulled out her compact and began examining her reflection.  
"THEN WHY DON'T YOU BLAST THAT DOG?!? he asked. She snapped her compact shut snippily. "Witch-in-training."  
Suddenly, The moon shifted.or rather the clouds did. The moon was no longer showing. The yowling of the wolf stopped and a teenage guy was there instead. She gasped and appeared down beside him.  
Dune had a bit of difficulty crawling his way down and ended up falling the last ten feet of his descent.  
"BLAST!" he yelled.  
The girl was examining the werewolf. "Is he okay?" she asked Dune.  
Dune looked closely at the young man and then backhanded him.  
"OW!" the guy grunted.  
"Yeah, it looks like he's gonna be alright to me. So, what's your name anyway?"  
The girl slapped Dune with a look of disgust. "Athion. And yours?"  
"Dune." he muttered, rubbing his jawbone.  
"So is he" she pointed to the werewolf "going to be okay?"  
"Like I said, I'm pretty sure he'll be okay. The only way he'll have any problem recovering is if I backhanded too hard. I am a vampire after all." said Dune discourteously. "Now, if you will excuse me, I have to feed. I shall return."  
Athion looked down at the guy. He was long and had blonde hair. "You poor thing." she muttered. She flicked her wand. A wet rag appeared. She put it to his head. The guy moaned. He opened his eyes.  
"AHH! Holy cow!" he said before jumping to his feet.  
"It's alright." she said. "My name is Athion. What is yours?"  
"Tristan." said the blonde haired guy.  
"Now, get out of here before the moon shines again." She waited, but he made no move. She sighed. "Very well." She turned and started to climb the tree again.  
Sure enough, as soon as she was out of claw's distance up the tree, Tristan turned back into the crazed werewolf and resumed trying to eat her.  
Meanwhile, Dune was hunting. He had had two mice, one coney, but what Dune really desired was a deer. If only he could get a deer.he licked the blood from his lips. "Ah well."  
The clouds shifted once more and the moon shone again. "Great." thought Dune. He turned and made his way back to the clearing. The wolf was yet again, barking like mad. Athion was up in the tree knitting. Apparently, she had abandoned screaming. Dune sighed, picked up a gargantuan rock, threw it, and knocked the werewolf out. Athion put away her knitting and appeared down beside him. "You know, you could have avoided that." she said glaring. "I know." Dune said. "I just like throwing stuff." "Nice." she said. "Now with your astounding strength, you can take him to my house.just around the corner." She pointed to a corner with a sign saying 'To Athion's house, witch-in-training'. "I would have noticed that eventually." Dune said. "I'm sure you would have. Now, pick him up and let's go." She gestured toward Tristan lying there in wolf form, and led them into the forest, as soon as Dune had picked up Tristan with great ease. Dune carried the werewolf all the way to Athion's dwelling and he walked through the door, which Athion opened for him. As Dune walked through Athion's main room, he noticed an assortment of odd whizzing contraptions and a bubbling brew that reminded him of solid carbon dioxide (A.K.A. 'Dry Ice'). Dune followed Athion into a spare bedroom and laid 'Tristan', as he was called, on the bed.  
He glanced to Athion, saw a tear in her eye, threw his hands into the air, and yelled (in a demonic growl); "He's only a werewolf for God's sake!" After that, he stormed from the room into the previous one. On a table, he saw three books. "So You Wanna Be a Witch? For Dummies, Basic Brewings and Potions, and what is this? Recognizing Mythical Creatures.I read that one! What a bunch of crackpots! Saying that vampires are a myth is about as ridiculous as saying that the Easter Bunny isn't one!" After that, he picked up the book and hurled it to the floor.  
"What did you throw my book for?" asked Athion, running into the room.  
"You actually read that trash?" Dune yelled. He yelled some more, and then with a gleam in his eye, he made himself four feet taller as if by magic. "I bet you didn't know that I wasn't a hobbit-vampire, but actually a vampire-shapeshifter." He turned around, and with a swish of his cloak (which had also grown magically) he was gone.  
Athion went back into the bedroom and tended to Tristan, who was now back in human form. She said, "Oh, for a werewolf, he looks quite peaceful."  
He stirred in the bed and looked at Athion. "Hello." he said in a weak, slightly trembling tone of voice.  
Athion, recovering from her momentary speechlessness, said "Why hello. It is good to see that you are going to be okay."  
"And you are?" asked Tristan, returning to his senses. He looked around the room, his eyes filling up with the appearance of his surroundings.  
"I." said Athion while trying to catch Tristan's eye. ".am Athion. A witch-in-training."  
"A witch, huh?" said Tristan. "And what, may I ask, was that hairy- footed creature accompanying you in the tree?"  
"Oh, that would have been Dune, a vampire-shapeshifter in the façade of a hobbit. He is also what hurled the rock at your head. By the way, are you okay?"  
"Oh.yes. I am quite alright."  
At that moment, the door swung open and in came a being in a dark cloak. It looked like Dune except for the fact that it looked even more sinister and began showering the room with bullets. One lodged in the wall next to Athion. "Silver bullets!" she screamed and Tristan jumped out the window into the moonless dark. Then, out of nowhere, Dune ran into the room. He still was in the form that he had stormed out of the house in. He threw back his cloak and hood, revealing a katana and a tanto. He grabbed the katana's hilt and wrenched it from its sheath. He ran to over to Athion, grabbed her by the arm, and forced her to jump out of the window that Tristan had hurled himself from moments ago. "A katana?" asked Athion. "What did you expect?" Dune said, surprised that she would ask something as ridiculous at such a time. "Well? What did you expect? A sword made by elves, light as a feather, but strong as dragon scales? A sword that some loser who had way too much free time decided to name 'Sting'? Unfortunately for me, I don't have that kind of budget." he said with a snort.  
"Whatever." scoffed Athion. "What is that thing anyway?" she said as she pointed to the other being that had now done away with the gun and was now twirling a broadsword.  
"What does that matter to." he was saying, when Athion cut him off.  
"Just TELL me!" she bellowed.  
Dune was somewhat taken aback, but responded, "That would be my evil twin.who by a bit of ironic fate is a vampire-werewolf-witch-hunter."  
Athion's eyes grew to the size of hobbit dinner-plates. "Did.did you say.w-witch hunter?"  
"Yeah.it just doesn't pay to hunt only one anymore. Anyway, you better step back." he said as he pushed her back. He then turned to face the evil twin. "Face me Chester!" yelled Dune in his usual demonic bellow.  
  
As Athion looked on from the window she thought, "What kind of name is 'Chester' for an evil twin?"  
Chester and Dune clashed swords and waged utter war inside Athion's house.  
"Could you guys bring it outside?" Athion screamed.  
Well, they somewhat listened. They brought it outside all right.right through one of the house's supporting walls.  
The two fought and fought and fought until Dune's katana broke under the force and impact of one of Chester's mighty blows. Dune fell to the ground and drew his short sword as Chester brought out a gun. Dune, in one fluent motion, jumped to his feet and slung the sword towards Chester. As the sword neared him, Chester fired the pistol.  
Both adversaries flew to the ground; Dune with a bullet in his chest and Chester with a short sword through his throat. Dune, however, jumped to his feet, pried out the bullet, and threw it triumphantly to the ground.  
"YES! Finally got him! Alright!" He picked up the bullet again, walked over to Chester's corpse, and with his vampire strength, flung it into Chester's chest. "SILVER DOESN'T WORK ON VAMPIRES!" he yelled.  
"What are you so happy for?" asked Athion cold-heartedly. "You destroyed my house and probably most of what's in it!"  
"Hey, don't look at me, I'm only human." He yelled defensively.  
"No you aren't!" she yelled.  
"Fine! Only Immortal." said Dune as the house toppled and fell to the ground in a cloud of dust.  
  
-The End- 


End file.
